Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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