We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
