I must be too annoying 4 u.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
