You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
