I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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