i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize