I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
