Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
