I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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