He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize