Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
