Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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