we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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