Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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