it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
