chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Vodka?
Forever.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
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