I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
