I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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