If that was your dad, he is hot
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
