so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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