I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
