i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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