Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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