He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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