i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
