This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
