I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
