Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
