So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
