So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
