I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
