i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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