I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
