Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
