That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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