He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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