I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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