I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
