The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
