you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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