Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
