He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He better not be in your backpack
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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