Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
