they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
