i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
