I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
