So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
