dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
