Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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