So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
