Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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