Where did you get a picture of my penis
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i wish my penis had a tongue
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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