You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
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She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
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You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Couch. On fire.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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