I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
