Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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