Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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