I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
