plz talk dirty to me
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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