i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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