Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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