The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
