I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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