so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
