even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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