I've blown a few things in my day
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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