My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
