Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
