My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We left the knife in your bed.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
