I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
