Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
