My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
