You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
