I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
