I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
