If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
