I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Someone signed my nipple.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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