We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
