There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
