I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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